Thoughts from on high

Scotland (yes again)

As someone with an incurable illness I have obviously given thought to all sorts of deep and meaningful matters and, after a short struggle, have achieved enlightenment.  I have generously decided to share two of my insights with you lesser mortals (if you are a fellow illness sufferer then do bear with me while I talk to our benighted chums).

Insight 1

Do not think that, while simmering porridge on the stove, you have enough time to go into the garden for two bloody nanoseconds to feed the birds without there being a huge and Vesuvius-like oatmeal disaster back in the kitchen.

Insight 2

In the event of a huge and Vesuvius-like oatmeal disaster do not think that it is a good idea to let the spillage cool before trying to clear it up.  It sets like sodding concrete.  This is a particular pain if, as in the case with my stove, the manufacturer’s instructions insist that you clean the hob with nothing more abrasive than the downy fluff from an Angora rabbit’s armpit. 

Which reminds me, I saw a TV quiz programme the other day and, when asked to name a country being with A, the contestant said ‘Angora’.  Honestly, some people.  Actually I only mock the poor woman to make myself feel better about last Friday. 

The other-half and I went along with our pals J and M to a village quiz.  J and M will be moving to the village in question soon so we were on our best behaviour in order not to disgrace them before they move in.  This meant the other-half having to concentrate very hard on not falling over and breaking anything and me trying to remember not to fart loudly in public (harder than it sounds).  Anyway all went well until the sport round when we scored a big fat zero.  As our score was called out the room went quiet there was a gasp of disbelief at our incredible stupidity and then a round of applause.  No other team managed to score zero in any of the rounds.  Oh the shame.  We did redeem ourselves a bit in other rounds though.  All I can say is thank goodness for the 80s music questions. 

Before I go, just a word of warning.  In search of even more all round fantastic-ness I will be observing Lent (which starts on Wednesday) by giving up Fruit Ninja.  There may be some tetchiness.